The Dutchman and the Vikings
This is a case where an honest question generated a humorous response, and the
tongue-in-cheek answer was logical enough to be somewhat believable. Enjoy the antics that ensue,
as Snick, Paddy, and Steve troll the waters for sucker-fish.
Interesting expressions that surfaced during the exercise include:
- Dutchman / Butterfly Insert / Dovetail Key (All are real)
- Clamped Dutchman (Made-up, but sounds real)
- Vikings (Made-up, but sounds like they might go with a Dutchman)
- Grave for the Dutchman (occurred to me while writing; it may be original)
- “Bury a Dutchman to save these planks” (complimentary to the “Grave” notation)
- V-Chisel (Nobody picked up on the possible link to “Viking-Chisel”)
- 'crackle' or 'popping' noise (there is no such thing)
- Stopped Bore-Hole (invented to distract attention from the Viking concept, which will
weaken a board, not help it)
- Flying Vikings (a variation on the Viking, could have lead into the Legend of the Flying
Dutchman if we had time)
- "ckeck" (misspelling of “check”, seized upon by another jokester as a word presumably
used in England)
- Vike (Made-up; supposedly used by old-timers to refer to Vikings)
- Through-Tapered-Holes (point of discussion to obfuscate the issue)
- Double Dutchman (could refer to nonsense, but was supposed to be another way of
referring to Butterfly Insert)
- "Stress-Relief Holes" (the legitimate child of the whole affair)
Note: Some names were changed to protect the innocent
"John"starts the ball rolling, with:
Date: Sun, 09 Jun 1996 20:56:20 -0400
From: Mac Geek
To: oldtools@listserv.law.cornell.edu
Subject: to fix a ckeck?
Got this great piece of birds eye maple that I LOVE...
it's got this weird figure in one end that I also love..
but in that figure there is a check...
I'd like to somehow stabilize the check and use the piece...
making the repair invisible is really not a concern.
In fact, what I've seen and would like to try is highly visible but I don’t
know how to do it...
The technique I think is called a "Dutchman Patch"
I've seen it used in lots of antiques for just this purpose or to "plug" a
knot hole. Where-in you inlay a "bowtie" shaped wedge into the crack to stabilize it.
Can anybody explain this technique, or recommend some other one, to save
this lovely piece of wood?
"Andy" gives accurate advice on installing the Dutchman:
Date: Mon, 10 Jun 1996 12:41:24 +0930 (CST)
From: Andy
To: oldtools@listserv.law.cornell.edu (oldtools group)
Subject: Re: to fix a ckeck?
Yes, you could fix your check using a `butterfly joint'. Just like
cutting a double-ended dovetail really. going by memory (I’ve never
actually made one of these, only read about them and seen them), the
butterfly insert should be about half the thickness of the split
wood. I think it'd be a fairly simple exercise to chop out the waste
and make the insert --- I’d glue it; even though the grain
of the insert is perpendicular to the grain of the split wood the
joint isn't so big as to cause major problems. I think this is the
most elegant way to fix checks.
John then tries for more details on the Dutchman:
Date: Mon, 10 Jun 1996 09:51:24 -0400
From: Mac Geek
To: oldtools@listserv.law.cornell.edu
Subject: Re: to fix a ckeck?
>the butterfly insert should be about half the thickness of the split
>wood. I think it'd be a fairly simple exercise to chop out the waste
>and make the insert --- I’d glue it;
Does this got _through_ the wood or is it merely a thicker than normal inlay?
I'm a little confused here....
this is the way I interpret what you said:
according to this of the crack is 1/16" wide then the butterfly should be
1/8" thick
thickness being he depth it is inlaid?
"Patrick" (Paddy) attempts to clarify what Andy said:
Date: Mon, 10 Jun 1996 11:10:47 -0400 (EDT)
From: Patrick
To: Multiple recipients of list
Subject: Re: to fix a ckeck?
> this is the way I interpret what you said:
Ø according to this of the crack is 1/16" wide then the butterfly should be
Ø > 1/8" thick
Ø > thickness being he depth it is inlaid?
I think he meant if your board is 8/4 thick, then your Dutchman
should be 4/4 thick. Dunno about the size of the Dutchman, however.
This brings me to my stupid newbie question: should a ham-fisted
bonehead like yours truly try to clamp the crack tight,
before installing the little dovetail key? You know, sort of
squeeeeeeze the crack back together? I'm curious to find
out if my Bessey clamps work on something other than
wedding rings. Seems like it might cause some rather unpleasant stress
elsewhere in the board.
Paddy GM/ENB/Looked at some checked stuff in the shop yesterday.
"Gary" (Snick) seizes the opportunity to spread some BS, based upon the ‘stress’
concept, simultaneously prodding at those who use martial arts concentration techniques
when they plane and saw:
Date: Mon, 10 Jun 1996 13:44:48 -0700
From: Gary
To: Galoots
Subject: Re: to fix a ckeck?
Paddy-O:
>...should a ham-fisted bonehead like yours truly try to clamp the crack ... Seems like it might cause some
rather unpleasant stress...
If you insist on using a Clamped Dutchman, you should consider installing a couple of Vikings to
relieve the stress.
Procedure:
1. Make the Dutchman.
2. Lather the crack with glue.
3. clamp shut.
4. Route the grave for the Dutchman across the crack (if you can still see where it was).
5. Glue in Dutchman, weight it down and allow glue to cure.
6. Plane flush.
7. Find the area of greatest stress by projecting your ki and sensing the area of highest-pitched
resonance.
8. Insert a Viking at that point.
9. Repeat 7&8 until equilibrium is attained.
10. Seal Vikings with a spit-coat, and rub with Horse-HARE.
This should take care of the problem.
Snick, realizing the opportunity to mess with people’s minds, consults off-line with Paddy.
They conspire to continue the joke. Paddy invites Steve to help with the lie.
Snick quickly sends a message out that retracts the obviously ‘silly’ parts of the procedure,
and expounds upon the mythical ‘Viking’:
Date: Mon, 10 Jun 1996 15:44:51 -0700
From: "Gary Ilmanen"
To: Galoots
Subject: Ten Steps to Inserting a Viking
I have received several private posts asking about the Vikings, and whether I was serious or not.
I didn't realize that there would be any interest in such an arcane subject. To be
truthful, I was just kidding about projecting your ki to find the stress points, and finishing with
spitcoat/horseHARE. The proper way to find the areas of greatest stress (EXCLUDING finite element
analysis) is to either
1) Guess, (with experience) or
2) Tap the board gently, listening for change of pitch, and/or
3) Carefully insert the first Viking and listen for the crackling noise as the wood
fibers separate.
My Revised Actual Procedure is:
1. Make the Dutchman.
2. Lather the crack with glue (or, alternately, you can wait till 4B).
3. Clamp crack closed.
4. Route the grave for the Dutchman across the crack (if you can still see where it was).
(4B. Alternately, glue crack at this step)
5. Glue the Dutchman into his grave, weight him down, and allow glue to cure completely.
6. Plane flush.
7. Locate the Viking: Find the area of greatest stress by tapping for the area of highest-pitched
resonance.
8. Insert a Viking at that point. Important! It is usually best to put the Viking on the
non-face side of the board! The Dutchman is decorative, but the Viking is only utilitarian, and
kinda ugly.
9. Repeat 7&8 until equilibrium is attained. (Tapping gives the same note across the board.)
10. Show off your handiwork to the nearest interested person.
This is the way I was taught to make the Vikings:
Using a V-Chisel, cut a narrow trench at a slight angle across the grain with a 'scooping' motion
so that the Trench will 'taper' toward the start and stop points. If you have located it properly,
it should make a sort of 'crackle' or 'popping' noise (not very loud at all, you have to listen
carefully) as you cut it. The stopped bore-hole, or two, if you are inclined, should go more or
less perpendicular to the Viking proper, and be no more than 1/3 the thickness of the board deep.
I usually use two stopped-bore-holes of 3/8" diameter, but you can make just one (centered) of 1/2"
diameter. I usually am doing this to a 4 to 5" wide board. I have heard that you want to have a
larger stopped-bore-hole if the board is wider, but really have no experience as to how big for how
wide. Crude ASCII:
^ (O) O <--Stopped-Bore-Hole(s)
g |
r | <<<<< <--Viking
a | <<<<
i |
n |
. .
|\ /|
| \/ |
| | <--Dutchman
| /\ |
' | '
| <--Crack was here (Repaired)
|
I would welcome comments from the other porch-sitters on what Viking angles and sizes of
stopped-bore-holes they prefer.
"Steve" chimes in, but apparently hadn’t read Snick’s ‘explanation’ yet. He postulates the
‘Flying Viking’, and attempts to get "Bruce" to enter the conspiracy:
Date: Mon, 10 Jun 1996 16:03:15 -0700 (PDT)
From: Stephen
To: Multiple recipients of list
Subject: Re: to fix a ckeck?
I'm only half Norwegian (my northern half), so my notions of using
Flying Vikings may not be fully formed, but being a worrier, I have
installed quite a few of these before, so here's my take on this
matter. (BTW, Bruce H., if you're out there, you know way more
about FVs than I do; feel free to say something here.)
For those who may be unfamiliar with the technique, I should mention
that the Flying Viking (or just Vikings, for short) is used as a
complement to the Clamped Dutchman when the woodworker is concerned
that forcing the crack closed at one end of a board will encourage
the board to pop open along the same grain line at the other end of
the board. (By the way, a "crack" is commonly called a "ckeck" by
woodworkers, as mentioned in the subject line, but is routinely
pronounced "check" because "ckeck" is too difficult for Americans to
enunciate properly.)
To cut in a Flying Viking -- sometime simply shortened to "Vike", or
to the present participle of "to Vike", viz. "Viking", as in "I'm
Viking thees vood now, so go avay!" -- the trick is merely to follow
the ckeck along the grain with your eye, beyond the end of the ckeck
and approximately 2/3 of the way to the other end of the board, and
install a Flying Viking (or two, but never more than that) at those
locations. It's entirely a pre-emptive strategy.
In actuality, there's no reason you couldn't install additional
Dutchmen at those locations instead of Vikings, except for the
dictates of tradition. Dutchmen are reserved for ckecks that are
already there, whereas Vikings are used to prevent ckecks that are
going to be there but aren't there just yet. From the point of view
of entirely physical concerns, you could use either technique in
either situation, and they'd of course work equally well. However,
the tradition of using Dutchmen on present ckecks and Vikings on
future (or "potential") ckecks is such an established one (some
would say entrenched) that the discerning furniture viewer will
immediately notice that something is "off" if the woodworker
has broken from this straightforward if arbitrary rule.
BTW, I should mention that horse hair, although traditionally mixed
with the glue in cases where the glue was needed to fill large gaps,
is no longer used in modern days because of the difficulty in
obtaining this hair, which for this purpose could be taken only from
a particularly obscure part of horses two years old and older. As a
replacement, it's been found fully adequate to use cut-up pieces of
simple nylon stockings.
Hope this hleps.
-- Steve
Paddy begins by critiquing Snick’s procedure, tells how he was ‘taught to do it’, and
introduces ‘The Tapered Through-Hole”:
Date: Mon, 10 Jun 1996 16:07:20 -0700
From: Patrick
To: oldtools@listserv.law.cornell.edu
Subject: Viking construction (Was: how to fix a ckeck)
Snick wrote:
> The proper way to find the areas of greatest stress (EXCLUDING finite element
> analysis) is to either
> 1) Guess, (with experience) or
> 2) Tap the board gently, listening for change of pitch, and/or
This technique works the best for me. It helped me salvage some otherwise
ruined Honduras rosewood blanks I used to make my kids' xylophone. The
Viking, once installed, actually stabilized the pitch, and added two-and-
one-half octaves to the overtone series of the repaired keys.
> 3) Carefully insert the first Viking and listen for the crackling noise as the wood
> fibers separate.
I've not tried this, but I still have a couple keys on the xylophone
to do. Is this a crackling like newspaper, or more like fire?
> Crude ASCII:
> (O) O <--Stopped-Bore-Hole(s)
My only comment is a question, really.
What are the advantages/disadvantages of using stopped-bored
holes vs. through-tapered-holes. I know the tapered holes hold better,
but I'm guessing that the crackling sound effect one may have to depend
on to verify proper installation would be lost, ya think? This
may be why some Viking installations cause Dutchman to fail over
the long haul.
Paddy GM/ENB/Majored in repair techniques in junior high shop.
Snick responds to Paddy, further develops the (imaginary) ‘mysterious crackling noise’
concept, and sends out several shameless pleas for others to help describe it:
Date: Mon, 10 Jun 1996 16:51:06 -0700
From: Gary
To: Galoots
Subject: Re: Ten Steps to Inserting a Viking
Paddy GM/ENB/Majored in repair techniques in junior high shop pondered:
>> 2) Tap the board gently, listening for change of pitch, and/or
>This technique works the best for me.
It seems to be the easiest for me too. My tinitis (ear ringing from shooting) sort of masks the
crackle method.
>> 3) Carefully insert the first Viking and listen for the crackling noise as the wood
>> fibers separate.
>I've not tried this, but I still have a couple keys on the xylophone
>to do. Is this a crackling like newspaper, or more like fire?
Of course, the answer is (he said in a lawyer-like fashion): It depends.
The species changes the frequency of the noise, and the variation in latewood/earlywood grain,
coupled with the amount of built-up stress, modulates the amplitude. I usually don't go to the
trouble of listening for the crackle unless the wood is really expensive, or I absolutely must save
a matched piece. I have to tape a stethoscope to the board if I want to hear the
tell-tale noise distinctly. I would have to describe it as a 'soft popping', kind of like
Cheerios(TM) in milk, or a kind of 'zipping' sound. But that might be because of the damn tinitis.
Perhaps someone else has more experience with this.
>My only comment is a question, really.
>What are the advantages/disadvantages of using stopped-bored
>holes vs. through-tapered-holes....
Like I said, this is an area of woodworking that is largely unexplored. Maybe Patrick or one of
the other Right-Coasters can shed more light on it. I have heard that the tapered thruholes are
just as good, but remember that they can only be used for structural members (where the face side
is not showing) because of the exit gap. But the area that bothers me is, are you trying to hear
the crackle when you do the holes? I hope you are not actually putting in the relief holes
*FIRST*!!! I always run the V-Trench first and never have been able to hear crackle/pops when
boring the holes. I was taught that you should always cut the trench first.
>I'm guessing that the crackling sound effect one may have to depend
>on to verify proper installation would be lost, ya think? This
>may be why some Viking installations cause Dutchman to fail over
>the long haul.
Hmm, the Dutchman usually stays pretty tight, but I have seen several broads that have opened up
when the Vikings are installed, especially if the trench is too deep.
I just wish I had paid more attention when Granddad was explaining this stuff!
"Bill" jumps into the fray with traditional, correct advice:
Date: Mon, 10 Jun 1996 20:19:43 -0400 (EDT)
From: William
To: oldtools@listserv.law.cornell.edu
Subject: Re: to fix a ckeck?
On Sun, 9 Jun 1996, Andy wrote:
> I think it'd be a fairly simple exercise to chop out the waste
> and make the insert ---
I suggest making the insert first then using it as a pattern to scribe
the waste to remove. I put a tad of an angle on the sides of the insert,
this makes for a nice tight fit.
Another similar patch is to make a diamond shaped patch for a knot, old
nail hole, etc. Make the grain to run the long axis of the diamond. Some
I've done have worked out so well I can hardly find them.
The little Stanley #271 router works well in removing the waste.
Andy comes back with some more good advice:
Date: Tue, 11 Jun 1996 09:48:53 +0930 (CST)
From: Andy
To: oldtools@listserv.law.cornell.edu (oldtools group)
Subject: Re: to fix a ckeck
> I think he meant if your board is 8/4 thick, then your Dutchman
> should be 4/4 thick. Dunno about the size of the Dutchman, however.
> This brings me to my stupid newbie question: should a ham-fisted
> bonehead like yours truly try to clamp the crack tight,
> before installing the little dovetail key? You know, sort of
> squeeeeeeze the crack back together? I'm curious to find
> out if my Bessey clamps work on something other than
> wedding rings. Seems like it might cause some rather unpleasant stress
> elsewhere in the board.
Yep, that's what I meant. Of course the `wing-span' of the butterfly
really depends on the width of the check and also the overall width of
the timber. I've seen them ranging from about 3cm to 8cm in
wingspan. I'd say just do it by intuition, the only problems with
making it too big is that it might look horrible (although I've seen
one which was in a contrasting colour wood and it looked great) and
the cross-grain gluing might fail at some point. The `body-length' of
the butterfly should essentially have the dimensions so that the whole
thing looks well proportioned. This sounds very hand-wavey now that I
write it down but I looked in my books and they don't give any
guidelines and I’m sure this is how people in the real world do it.
Also, I don't think squeezing the check together would be very good in
the long run --- it would put undue stress on the base-timber and also
on the butterfly(ies). The point of the butterfly is to stop the
check from developing, not to eradicate it altogether. checks can
really add character to a piece, although because I’m not very `arty'
I would prefer a world without them.
A final thought --- if you could come up with a good idea of using
butterfly(ies) without glue it'd probably be stronger (remember the
dovetail angle thread?).
John, who firmly bit the hook, is getting exasperated:
Date: Tue, 11 Jun 1996 08:33:41 -0400
From: Mac Geek
To: oldtools@listserv.law.cornell.edu
Subject: Re: Ten Steps to Inserting a Viking
At 05:48 PM 6/10/96 -0400, you wrote:
>I have received several private posts asking about the Vikings, and whether
>I was serious or not.
Whooaaa.. I'm really lost now!
Is there some published work that has PICTURES of this Viking technique....
I just don't seem to "get it"..
Snick tries to explain away the clash between Steve’s Flying Viking and the Regular
Viking; then cops out and explains that there is probably nothing in print about Vikings:
Date: Tue, 11 Jun 1996 09:23:14 -0700
From: Gary
To: Galoots
Subject: Re: Ten Steps to Inserting a Viking
Mac Geek:
>Whooaaa.. I'm really lost now!
>Is there some published work that has PICTURES of this Viking technique....
John, I've never even seen pictures of the Dutchman trick, and I'm sure that it is much more
well-known than the Viking relief. It seems that the Flying Viking that Steve described is
actually quite different from the 'regular' Viking that Paddy and I like to use. I think these are
one of the very obscure techniques that are only handed down in an oral tradition.
John ponders a modification of the Dutchman, where the edges are angled:
Date: Tue, 11 Jun 1996 09:15:57 -0400
From: Mac Geek
To: oldtools@listserv.law.cornell.edu
Subject: Re: to fix a ckeck
At 07:22 AM 6/11/96 -0400, you wrote:
>a final thought --- if you could come up with a good idea of using
>butterfly(ies) without glue it'd probably be stronger (remember the
>dovetail angle thread?).
well this is kinda what I was just pondering....
make up the Dutchman (butterfly) and hole so that when you compress the
crack shut you just drop it in... NO GLUE... and when you release the clamp
pressure on the crack the expansion locks the Dutchman in place..
there would however be some weird compound Angles involved here...
how to describe it... I'd call it a "Double Dutchman"
and there is NOW WAY I’m gonna try to draw it in ASCII art!
so the Dutchman has complimentary Dutchmen cut into its sides...
I can see it in my mind and just sketched it out....
seems like that along w/ 4 plugs (blocks) to fill the void created when
the crack expands and locks the double Dutchman in place....
well if I did not loose you yet.. you know what I mean....
of course we are gettin pretty deep into that weird joinery that the
Japanese like to mess w/ out minds with.
but it really seems like it could work!
"Pierre" admits to chewing on the bait, and invites a re-hash:
Date: Tue, 11 Jun 1996 15:21:09 -0400
From: "Pierre"
To: oldtools@listserv.law.cornell.edu
Subject: Re: Ten Steps to Inserting a Viking
John G. declares :
>>Whooaaa.. I'm really lost now!
Gary I. explains :
>I think these are
>one of the very obscure techniques that are only handed down in an oral
>tradition.
Gary, I am really confused as well. I've read all the posts in the
last couple of days and was wondering what the heck all of you were
talking about ! It's as if I've been away from oldtools for a month !
Suddenly people are talking about Vikings and tapered through-holes
and projecting ki into wood and xylophones and I had not a clue
as to what was going on. I do know what a butterfly insert is but
that's it.
Anyone want to take the oral tradition handing down from the top ?
Paddy spins a masterful tale of his introduction to the use of a Viking, including another
hint that it is all a joke:
Date: Tue, 11 Jun 96 15:41:06 PDT
From: Patrick
To: oldtools@listserv.law.cornell.edu
Subject: Re: Ten Steps to Inserting a Viking
"Pierre" writes:
[confusion about an obscure repair technique]
> Anyone want to take the oral tradition handing down from the top ?
A long time ago, when I was helping my dad build a redwood deck,
we had some terrible problems with checked boards (I'm pretty
sure Gary's typo - broads - was an accident), and seeing as
the lumber was clear, all-heart, my old man was not about to
throw them away. I recall him telling me he was going to "Bury
a Dutchman" to save these planks. Now, my dad is in infamous
jokester (Hmmmmmm. Does that explain something?), so
I played along. Sure enough, he chiseled out the little
butterflies we have commonly seen, and inlaid the Dutchmans
into their little graves. I was impressed, and a little
embarrassed that I'd doubted him. We fixed a lot of boards
in a couple hours. Must have been a dozen or more.
We were busy congratulating ourselves, when one board literally
popped open like a monstrous party favor gone mad. I looked
back, expecting to see a failed Dutchman, but instead, the
board had popped a fissure instead, right in the middle. Pops
shushed me, and motioned to listen. You could actually hear
the fibbers of the next board rending, about to pop open.
"Quick", he said, "We gotta lay in some Vikes!" I didn't
have time to question. He grabbed his chisels, and he
yelled at me to grab the brace and augers. By the time
I came back from the garage, he had marked the spots that
I was to bore, and was already four or five boards ahead
of me. One other board had already opened up in the less
than one minute it took me to fetch the brace/bits.
We finished without further problems, and as far as I know,
that deck is still there (built 1968). I didn't know what
those "things" were called, and figured it was his own special
trick - he'd done a lot of framing work, while kicking around
before going back to school - and thought nothing of it. That
was 28 years ago, and I still have fond memories of carpentry
with papa.
[fast forward to 1993]
I received my first-ever mailorder lumber, a 6-pack of
Honduras Rosewood, from Woodcraft. I guess things were a
bit more humid back in West Virginia than in SoCal, because
the minute I opened that package, those damn boards started
splitting before my eyes. I had completely forgotten about
my old man's quick-thinking remedy, and tossed 'em in the
corner in disgust.
A few weeks later, I was getting my trumpet reconditioned
(no, not replated), and I was browsing around the shop,
waiting for the dude to put a final polish on my silver-plated
Benge (a yuppie bastard horn, if ever there was one), and I
plunked out a few notes on the xylophone. I noticed some
peculiar inlay, and some weird "plugs". I asked the dude about
it, expecting him to say something like, "Yeah, too bad it's ruined",
and then he pointing the Vikings. "Vikings?" I said. "Yeah,
you know, Vikings; Vikes; inlayed V’s. They're kinda weird."
So, he told me a little bit how to do 'em, saying he'd done
these himself with a reamer and a spoon gouge (pre-neanderthal
days for O'Deen, at this point). I was still clueless, so he
showed me the tools. I experienced no epiphany, but was
appreciative all the same. I told him I had some split
Honduras Rosewood at home, and that I'd planned to make a
xylophone for my kids, but figured that the stock was ruined.
He said, "You see that xylophone? It ain't for sale. Those
little "v"'s make it better than new." I figured what the hell,
and I told him I'd try it out. All I can say is it worked. Sure,
my Vikes aren't as nice as that old dudes, or my pops, but they're
still there, holding impossibly-checked rosewood together for
the sake of music; loud music, if you can imagine two kids
banging away on rosewood endlessly.
Paddy GM/ENB/LMF
Paddy forwards private mail (to the instigator only) with a note he got from Steve:
============= not sent to list ===========================
Subject: Re: Ten Steps to Inserting a Viking
Date: Tue, 11 Jun 1996 16:24:30 -0700
From: Patrick
To: Steve
CC: Gary
Classic case of mixing truth with fiction. I really did build
a deck with papa, have a trumpet reconditioned (a Benge), and
we did use brace and bits. The split boards? We chucked 'em into
the firewood pile.
I think the "Viking Legend" should go on much like Snipe Hunting.
What do you fellows-in-crime think?
Evil-grinning Pat
> From: Stephen
> > A long time ago, when I was helping my dad build a redwood deck,
> > ... [ 1,000,000 lines deleted ]
> > imagine two kids banging away on rosewood endlessly.
>
> Man, you almost had *me* wondering there for a minute, dude. Just
> momentarily, I started thinking, oh shit, I missed something here,
> there really *is* such a thing as a Viking, and now I've gone and
> made an ass of myself in public. Then I remembered *who* was
> telling the tale, and, like I said, just momentarily there, ... :-)
>
> BTW, I think we're really deadpanning this to death. (Now there's
> another patch you might mention, The Deadpan.) You suppose when you
> tell folks what's going on, they will laugh along with us, or will
> they want our head?
==========================================================
Snick also takes a crack at the re-hash:
Date: Tue, 11 Jun 1996 17:00:43 -0700
From: Gary
To: Galoots
Subject: Dutch and the Flying Vikings
"Pierre" prodded:
> Anyone want to take the oral tradition handing down from the top ?
The only modern thing that I have seen like a Viking is when you have a
crack starting in plastic, particularly an aircraft windscreen (read:
expensive!) or the aluminum skin. Rather than replace the whole thing, a
small hole is drilled at the end of the crack. They call these
"Stress-Relief Holes" -- so unimaginative -- and they keep the crack from
growing any longer, usually. So you end up with a split that runs up to
a hole: ----O
I've never seen anybody put the V trench in across a plastic or aluminum
crack though. It just may be that the stopped bore-hole or tapered
through-hole is the real secret, and V-trenches are just a remnant of
early experimentation, carried down through (mistaken) tradition. I
personally believe that the crackling noise when slicing it helps to
verify that you have found the correct position for the bore-hole, and is
valuable for that purpose, if for nothing else.
If I could find a source of uniformly stress-full rosewood, I suppose we
could run an Empirical Viking Test Panel... but since the internal
stresses are so variable, the results would always be suspect.
The other factor to consider is the angle of the V-trench. Not the angle
to the grain, although that matters too, but the wall angle. Granddad
used a 60degree V tool, and that's what I use, but some guys like the
90degree included angle, some will cant the blade so it is steeper on the
Dutchman side, and still others go with a freehand chip-carving knife
where they can start at a wide angle, get steep in the middle, and then
widen out again at the end. There may even be specialized Viking Chisels
with 75degree angles somewhere out there in OldToolLand. I have
absolutely no idea if it makes any difference, yet some guys will SWEAR
that it HAS to be whatever they are using. Viking Nazi's, that's what
they are! Live and let live, I say. There are so few people actually
using Vikings... Can't we all just GET ALONG?
Steve's take on the Flying Viking was interesting, but I think that he
was describing what we sometimes call a Double Dutch Patch, or Insured
Dutchman. Regional differences, I guess.
Another helpful reference, but nothing about Vikings:
Date: Tue, 11 Jun 1996 16:00:54 -1000
From: "Ed"
To: oldtools@listserv.law.cornell.edu
Subject: Re: Ten Steps to Inserting a Viking
*snip*
>John, I've never even seen pictures of the Dutchman trick,
There's a picture of a Dutchman, I think referred to as a dovetail key, on
page 95 of FWW #116 (Jan-Feb '96). It's part of an article about George
Nakashima, and I assume it is the same thing as a Dutchman.
I'm still pretty fuzzy about what a Viking is, though.
"John #2" can’t stand the tension, and broadly hints that this is a scam:
Date: Wed, 12 Jun 96 8:36:26 EDT
From: John #2
To:
Subject: Re: Ten Steps to Inserting a Viking
John wrote:
>I just don't seem to "get it"..
Which was seconded by "Pierre"
For whom our esteemed GM was more than happy to spin a yarn.
Now I know two guys to invite on my next snipe hunt!
Paddy announces that it was, indeed, a put-on:
Date: Wed, 12 Jun 1996 07:25:15 -0700
From: Patrick
To: oldtools@listserv.law.cornell.edu
Subject: Removing a Viking
Beloved Porch-sitters,
Last night, all this talk about Dutchman, Vikings, and
heroic carpentry repairs got me thinking, and so I dragged
the kids' xylophone out of the closet. To my horror, one of the
Vikes had failed, and the tapered plug had worked loose! I grabbed
my needlenose pliers, got a good grip on the over-arm left V of the
left lateral Viking, and started pulling. I mean I really pulled.
All 285 lbs. of me pulled on that failed joint....
... just like Snick, Steve and I, have been pulling your collective legs.
:^)
Apologies to all those suckered-in. The funny thing is, that I almost
sucked in Steve, and *he* was in on it ;-).
Paddy GM/ENB/Ducking now, and running for cover!!!
Tom goes over the true Dutchman process, and threatens the Viking Progenitors:
Date: Wed, 12 Jun 1996 10:09:51 -0800
From: Tom
To: oldtools@listserv.law.cornell.edu
Subject: Re: to fix a ckeck?
Mac Geek wrote:
>The technique I think is called a "Dutchman Patch"
Hi John,
Just call it a Dutchman, the patch part is redundant, redundant.
Cut the Dutchman first. Sharp tools, clean, vertical cuts and all that.
Figure out where you want it, and scribe around it with a chisel or single
bevel marking knife. Chop out the hole with your Scary Sharp tools. Make
the hole about half as deep as the workpiece. Glue in the Dutchman.
Naturally make it thicker than the hole is deep.
Now comes the fun part. Whip out your slick and pare that sucker down.
scrape to final thickness.
Structural Dutchmans (or should that be dutchmen, or dutchpersons) should
be shaped like a bowtie or butterfly or whatever you want to call it.
Cosmetic ones are usually pointed on each end.
I've never heard "burying a Dutchman", but I like the imagery. although
these patches are also called graving pieces (this is true, unlike some
recent Viking stories.)
When I hear Viking, I will now imagine burying a few certain Galoots who
snookered me. BTW, does anyone have a good recipe for snipe, I'm going
hunting soon and expect to bag my limit.
Vikingly yours, (but careful with the horns)
Tom
Mike claims he was not taken in by this legend:
Date: Wed, 12 Jun 1996 12:44:04 -0600 (CDT)
From: Mike
To: oldtools@listserv.law.cornell.edu
Subject: Re: Removing a Viking
And the GM said:
>... just like Snick, Steve and I, have been pulling your collective legs.
I knew that! I knew that! [head bobbing up and down]
To Snick, Steve and Paddy: You better protect your shoes on this here
porch in the future cauz I'm agoin for sum fresh t'backy ;^)
Mike (who has yet to bag a snipe)
Claudio also is too smart to be fooled:
Date: Wed, 12 Jun 1996 11:31:22 -0700 (PDT)
From: Claudio
To: oldtools@listserv.law.cornell.edu
Subject: Re: Removing a Viking
> And the GM said:
> >... just like Snick, Steve and I, have been pulling your collective legs.
> I knew that! I knew that! [head bobbing up and down]
Me too! For several summers I was the only greenhorn student on a forest fire
heli-crew full of grizzled veterans who loved nothing more than sending me on
"snipe hunts" and searches for non-existent tools (scrubber to clean the
_inside_ of the fire hoses). Even I spotted this one.
John entertains his old shop teacher:
Date: Wed, 12 Jun 1996 15:15:11 -0400
From: Mac Geek
To: oldtools@listserv.law.cornell.edu
Subject: Re: Removing a Viking
Hey ahh "Pierre",et al.
I'm starting to get the impression that they have been having some fun at
our expense.
I called my old HS Shop Teacher, (Yeah, He's still alive!) and asked him
about Dutchmen...
he explained them as has been done here...
then I asked him about "Complimentary Vikings"
he just laughed hysterically for a minute and asked me if I remembered when he
sent me looking for the "Board Stretcher".
So REALLY guys...
You'all just yankin' my chain or what?
John
Hook firmly set in Upper Lip..
Eric admits taking the bait, and proposes we troll the power-tool users group:
Date: Wed, 12 Jun 1996 14:27:27 -0500
From: Eric
To: oldtools@listserv.law.cornell.edu
Subject: Re: Removing a Viking
I do confess to being snookered, although I won't elaborate on the extent.
It was indeed a fine job, Hopefully a reflection of the Galoots who did it.
Now, when folks are searching for "Viking" one of the search engines will cough
up your email, they will inquire sans mercy, moreso if someone x-posts into
rec.normite.
True "javela-crit" for any Swedes out there....
Eric.....
Embarrassed by the extent of the madness, Snick offers the consolation prize:
Date: Wed, 12 Jun 1996 14:46:01 -0700
From: Gary
To: Galoots
Subject: And we never even got around to the 'Flying Dutchman'...
Mac Geek graciously noted after being trolled:
>Well since us Apprentices are now Officially "initiated"....
>Can we now move on up to "Journeyman Galoot" status......
Of course! Simply raise your hand and promise to spread the word of the
Vikings whenever the subject of the Dutchman technique arises. Poof!
You are now a JG. Go out and convert your old shop teacher!
Thank you all for taking the trolling in the spirit in which it was
intended, and for not emailing us core dumps!
Word has it that somebody is going to try to sneak it over into rec.ww,
in the hopes of seeing it in American Woodworker next month.
Don sets the stage for a ceremony:
Date: Wed, 12 Jun 96 18:06:58 EDT
From: Don
To: oldtools@listserv.law.cornell.edu
Subject: Re: Promotions are now in order!
Mac Geek wrote:
> Can we now move on up to "Journeyman Galoot" status......
> And open up a few spots for some more Apprentices to join the guild?
Yeah, this is the part when you kneel before the assembled Galoots, and
our GM whacks you on each shoulder with his #8 and sez, "I now dub you Sir
John... Now go polish the spittoons until I can count my nosehairs in them."
Earnie, the silent one, warns of car-bombs:
Date: Wed, 12 Jun 1996 17:24:12 EST
From: Ernie
To: oldtools@listserv.law.cornell.edu
Subject: Re: Removing a Viking
** Reply to note from Eric 06/12/96 2:57pm -0400
Galoots,
Once again my proven technique of standing off to the side, keeping
silent and nodding wisely has worked. Once again no one knows whether
or not I was snookered and I am grateful that I was able to keep my
mouth shut.
Good job, guys. OBTW have someone else start your cars for a month or
three.
John describes a screenplay of the Initiation Ceremony:
Date: Wed, 12 Jun 1996 21:18:01 -0400
From: Mac Geek
To: oldtools@listserv.law.cornell.edu
Subject: The Secret Assention Ceremony
Scene:
dimly, Kerosene lamp, lit barn far from the Big City.
A group of Old men wearing Flannel shirts, overalls and black Baseball caps
inscribed "galoot".
TRB chain smoking Camels, J.D. standing behind him sucking in as much second
hand smoke as possible.
The Grand Pooh Baah enters and the room quietly chants:
MOFaaaa...... MOFaaaa...... MOFaaaa...... MOFaaaa...... MOFaaaa......
MOFaaaa...... MOFaaaa......
Another man enters the room hobbling along on a hand carved cane Inscribed
w/ the letters "SHMBO" and a hush falls over the room...
They take seats at the workbench in the front of the congregation.
The man w/ the cane bangs his L-V Carvers Mallet on an ancient piece of
Rosewood and calls the meeting to order.
two men, enter from the rear door escorting two blindfolded men.
the blindfolded men are lead to the table and the blindfolds are removed.
The Grand Pooh Baah stands up and looks sternly at the men before him and
speaks:
"you have come before us today to take the first step on a long journey.
many men have embarked upon this journey only to fail.
you have shown courage in the face of adversity,
you have learned to laugh at your own mistakes.
You have tasted sawdust and forsaken it for the scent of shavings.
You have seen the elusive #1 and mastered "Scary Sharp".
Are you Ready to enter the Inner Sanctum?"
the men look at each other then the Grand Pooh Baah and the Galootus Maximus,
then nodded in the affirmative.
The Grand Poo Bah opens the saw till under the bench and removes two Brass
Backed _IT_ Dovetail Saw as the Galootus maximus placed a piece of Cocobolo
into the jaws of each of the two Emmert Turtle Back Pattern Makers vices,
TRB makes his way through the room and places two rolls of Buck Bros.
chisels upon the bench one near each vice and takes his seat again.
In unison the room begins chanting:
"half blind dovetails... half blind dovetails... half blind dovetails...
half blind dovetails... "
"No marking gauges...No marking gauges...No marking gauges...No marking
gauges..."
the newly inducted Journeymen pick up the saws take a deep breath and
carefully line up the saw for the first and most critical pass.......
John wants the power-toolies to share our pain:
Date: Wed, 12 Jun 1996 21:37:51 -0400
From: Mac Geek
To: oldtools@listserv.law.cornell.edu
Subject: Re: And we never even got around to the 'Flying Dutchman'...
At 04:57 PM 6/12/96 -0400, you wrote:
>Word has it that somebody is going to try to sneak it over into rec.ww,
>in the hopes of seeing it in American Woodworker next month.
Now THAT is just downright MEAN!
I LIKE it!!!!!
Andy, who had been away during the spoof, writes to criticize the use of stress
relief holes in wood:
Date: Thu, 13 Jun 1996 13:51:01 +0930 (CST)
From: Andy
To: oldtools@listserv.law.cornell.edu (oldtools group)
Subject: how do these Vikings work?
I'd never heard of a Viking before today (I'm a bit late in reading my
mails). I understand what it is (I think). anyone know how it works?
IMMMO (maybe misinformed opinion) it is _not_ the same as drilling
holes in metal/glass/perspex that have cracks developing in them.
These materials have a different structure to wood, e.g. if you drill a
hole in a piece of wood at the end of a (rip)saw cut it will not in
anyway stop the wood from cracking along the grain when stress is
applied.
"Pierre" takes issue! They do work:
Date: Thu, 13 Jun 1996 06:05:24 -0400
From: "Pierre"
To: oldtools@listserv.law.cornell.edu
Subject: Stopping cracks
Andy, as confused as I, writes :
>e.g. if you drill a
>hole in a piece of wood at the end of a (rip)saw cut it will not in
>anyway stop the wood from cracking along the grain when stress is
>applied.
Not so ! I just found the perfect example hiding between my
livingroom floor and the hot-air duct in the basement below it. One
of the joists has cracked. It would have been a total failure if
the crack hadn't run into a hole drilled to pass some wiring.
Paul, although not swept up in the legend, admits to using stress-relief holes:
Date: Thu, 13 Jun 1996 09:01:57 -0400
From: Paul
To: oldtools@listserv.law.cornell.edu
Subject: Stress Relief Question was Re: Removing a Viking
Hi all!
This ruse was very interesting for me as I knew it was a ruse
from the start. But, one of Snick's last ditch efforts to land the
catch hooked me. He said a Viking was like drilling a hole in the end
of a kerf to relieve stress. He actually used a metalworking analogy
which I can't recall, but I hope you get the picture.
This got me to thinking. I have actually done this kind of
thing. When making wedged tenons, I usually drill a hole at the
bottom of the kerf in the tenon to prevent the wedge from splitting
the entire piece. Does this really help or am I doing something
totally unnecessary? Also, if it does help, could something similar
actually be used to stop checking? I really don't mean to start
another snipe hunt, but there is a little logic in the thought.
Snick sets Andy straight, and discloses an early ‘clue’:
Date: Thu, 13 Jun 1996 10:58:28 -7
From: Gary
To: oldtools@listserv.law.cornell.edu
Subject: Viking Lumberjacks
Andy lamented:
>I’d never heard of a Viking before today (I’m a bit late in reading
>my mails). I understand what it is (I think). anyone know how it works?
Andy, it was a put-on, as you probably realize by now if you
continued to catch up on your mail. The first clue was
in my drawing of the Viking and Stopped Bore-Holes:
(O) O <--Stopped-Bore-Hole(s)
<
<<<<< <--Viking
<<<<
Which I had 'detuned' a bit from the original, which looked so much like a
'winking happy face'-- ;) --that I felt it would easily have given the whole
thing away! The original drawing:
(O) O <--Stopped-Bore-Hole(s)
< <
<<<<< <--Viking
Luke continues, explaining the reason for holes in wedged tenons:
Date: Thu, 13 Jun 1996 11:21:25 -0700
From: Luke
To: oldtools@listserv.law.cornell.edu
Subject: Re: Stress Relief Question was Re: Removing a Viking
> This got me to thinking. I have actually done this kind of
> thing. When making wedged tenons, I usually drill a hole at the
> bottom of the kerf in the tenon to prevent the wedge from splitting
> the entire piece. Does this really help or am I doing something
> totally unnecessary? Also, if it does help, could something similar
> actually be used to stop checking? I really don't mean to start
> another snipe hunt, but there is a little logic in the thought.
It *can* help for the wedged tenon simply because the hole reduces the width of
the wood at the end of the kerf. This encourages the wood to bend around this
point rather than a point beyond the kerf.
Stopping a check is a different story since the force causing the wood to split
is the wood itself and not a wedge at the end. To drive the point home, if
you saw off the wedged tenon , kerf and all, you wouldn't expect the remaining
wood to split but if you saw off the checked portion of a checked board, the
check will continue to progress through the remaining wood regardless.
Cheers,
Luke
Just say - mebbe I didn't grab the hook, but I was certainly swimming around
gobbling up the bait.
John #3 surfaces, spouting:
Date: Thu, 13 Jun 1996 13:30:36 -0700 (PDT)
From: John #3
To: Multiple recipients of list
Subject: Re: Stress Relief Question was Re: Removing a Viking
Paul testifies that he knew it was a ruse from the start (this
after all, ain't his first rodeo), but still has a question:
> When making wedged tenons, I usually drill a hole at
> the bottom of the kerf in the tenon to prevent the
> wedge from splitting the entire piece. Does this
> really help or am I doing something totally
> unnecessary?
Luke (who moonlights as Chief Research Scientist at the Titanic
Fracture Mechanics Institute, Mode I Division) responds:
> It *can* help for the wedged tenon simply because the
> hole reduces the width of the wood at the end of the
> kerf. This encorages the wood to bend around this
> point rather than a point beyond the kerf.
Forgive me Dr. Luke, but I must take (mild) exception
to this statement. The reason for the decreased
propensity of splitting is the reduced stress intensity
at the crack tip afforded by the drilled hole. As the
hole's radius approaches zero, the tensile stress (for
linear, elastic materials) tends towards infinity - a
very large value indeed.
True, wood is not linearly elastic, but the hole will
greatly reduce the risk of bifurcating Mode I crack
propagation none the less (in the absense of a more
rigorous elasto-plastic fracture mechanics
investigation).
Wouldn't you agree sir?
spit, ting!,
;-),
John #3
Recreational Fracture Mechanician
Wherepon Andy states that he still isn't sure...
Date: Fri, 14 Jun 1996 09:44:58 +0930 (CST)
From: Andy
To: oldtools@listserv.law.cornell.edu (oldtools group)
Subject: embarressment, vikings, stress relief...
hi,
ok, i admit it; i was totally suckered in! i'm not sure
how to draw embarressed faces in ascii, but if i did
there would be heaps of them here!
i still think, however, that drilling holes in wood
doesn't stop it from splitting, unless the diameter of
the hole is so large in comparison to the thickness and
width of the timber that it would encourage bending of
the wood around the hole rather than splitting. of
course it would depend on whether the spieces of wood
liked to bend or split too.
And Tom wants to say:
Date: Thu, 13 Jun 1996 21:47:48 -0400
From: Tom
To: oldtools@listserv.law.cornell.edu
Subject: Re: Removing a Viking
Ernie writes concerning Vikings and deception:
> Once again my proven technique of standing off to the
> side, keeping silent and nodding wisely has worked.
> Once again no one knows whether or not I was
> snookered and I am grateful that I was able to keep my
> mouth shut.
>
> Good job, guys. OBTW have someone else start your
> cars for a month or three.
Yep, I too stayed out of the fray because I caught on
real early. Of course I was wearing my funny conical
helmet with the cow horns when I read Paddy's confession
and was telling aquaintances just how they could cure
those annoying splits in their deck flooring and such...
But I knew what was going on all the time. Absolutely.
It was a good spoof though guys. OBTW, besides having
someone else start your cars for a month or so y'all
might want someone else to taste your food first. Stuff
like that. A few precautions couldn't hurt. ;-)
**************************** Tom
"...and what am I supposed to do with
this Viking cutter I made? Well?
Yes?... I'm waiting..."
--
...................................................................
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